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I don't know about you, but I have a heck of a time saying
"No." I was reminded of this weakness last Friday,
when a producer from CBS called and wanted to know if I could
help her out with a story. While at first blush this sounded
like a great publicity opportunity, I realized as the
conversation progressed, that Jobsandmoms.com
would not be part of the feature and (more importantly) that
even if I could find five willing clients, that they
would not likely gain anything from the exposure (beyond the
thrill of being on TV).
I
was already up to my eyeballs with other deadlines, so I quickly
decided that I should tell the Producer, "Thank you so much
for calling. I can't help you out with this piece, but please
keep me in mind for future stories. I would love to help you out
when the timing is better."
But,
what came out of my mouth instead?
You
guessed it. I said, "Sure, let me see what I can do."
Stupid,
stupid, stupid.
I
felt like kicking myself as soon as I hung up the phone. I knew
I should have said "No." I knew I would waste a lot of
time pursuing dead leads. I knew my time should have been spent
on more important matters. And still, I said, "Yes."
Why
do we women have such difficulty saying "No"? There
are probably a hundred reasons why, but I think we'd all agree
that it's a common problem-- and one that can land us in hot
water, both in our personal and professional lives. Most of us
would be better served if we could just learn to say
"No" with comfort, clarity and conviction.
To
address this problem, I wanted to share something that I read
this weekend and have now printed out and put by my computer. It
is from an article called, Creative Ways to Say No, that
was sent to me (as part of an upcoming book) by career
management and work/life balance expert Renee Trudeau of Career
Strategists. I think you'll find it to be very
insightful:
Creative
Ways to Say No (This list is adapted in part from Work Less, Make More-- Stop
Working So Hard and Create the Life You Really Want, by
Jennifer White.)
To
encourage you in your newfound skill, here is a great list of
nine creative ways to say no. I promise, the more you say no,
the lighter and more free you’ll feel and the easier it will
become to draw clear boundaries that support you.
- Just
“No”:
“Thanks, I’ll have to pass on that.” (Say it, then
shut up.)
- The
Gracious No:
“I really appreciate you asking me, but my time is already
committed.”
- The
“I’m Sorry” No:
“I wish I could, but it’s just not going to work right
now.”
- The
“It’s Someone Else’s Decision” No:
“I promised my coach (therapist, etc.) I wouldn’t take
on any more projects right now. I’m working on creating
more balance in my life.”
- The
“My Family is the Reason” No:
“Thanks so much for the invite. That’s the day of my
son’s soccer game, and I never miss those.”
- The
“I Know Someone Else” No:
“I just don’t have time right now. Let me recommend
someone who may be able to help you.”
- The
“I’m Already Booked” No:
“I appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m afraid I’m
already booked that day.”
- The
“Setting Boundaries” No:
“Let me tell you what I CAN do" Then limit the
commitment to what will be comfortable for you.
- If
you’re having a really hard time saying no, try: “Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to
you.”
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